Wednesday, July 08, 2009 7:02 PM
you hear a story,
you laugh it off,
and wonder how the protagonist couldve been so stupid to not have seen it.
then the author of your life puts you in that situation.
and then.
you dont see it yourself.
someone should be laughing at you.
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on monday 6th july, i woke up on top of the world, cos i'd just defeated satan in a mega battle!
nothing couldve tasted better than sweet victoryyy. XD
and i was certain i'd won, not because of every one of those stupid excuses i'd been giving myself to escape, to psycho myself that i did.
none of that.
but rather, because i finally see you again, here with me as i walk this path of life.
and nope, i'm never gonna fall or lose my way,
because you're behind me to guard me,
above me to watch over me,
in front of me to lead me,
and beside me so i'll know i'm never alone.
right now, i look behind me.
i see one pair of footprints on the ground of a 3-month walk.
my eyes brighten, and i smile. :)
i still remember the day i was walking happily with you, and the path split in two.
you asked me to walk the narrower one, the one less smooth.
i thought you were quite mad, and i wouldnt do it.
but you said, "just trust me."
so i obeyed.
but to my horror, immediately when i'd stepped on that path,
i looked behind me and noticed that the two sets of footprints we'd been leaving behind, had suddenly turned into only
one.
satan whispered to me, and said you had left me alone.
he said you decided to be v sadistic and play some loser joke on me just cos you were bored.
make me do something difficult, then run away, giggling.
"omg you freakin dumbass," he said, "why'd you listen to him? when you couldve taken the path that looked so right. i mean, it was right. but now, you're on your own, and your life sucks. like ttm. and it was cos you listened to him. WHO ASK YOU."
Being quite idiot, i believed him.
i asked you why you'd left me.
why you'd left me so weak, vulnerable, and with nothing.
fine, i thought. since you decided to leave me alone, i'm not gonna care about you either. i'll trust my gut. i'll do things my way, the way i want, for myself.
and so i did.
but,
all i did was get more confused, and my spirit just grew weaker.
and the weaker it grew, the more satan attacked.
and the hurt did nothing,
but increase.
and increase.
and every,
single,
freaking,
time i turned around,
there were still,
STILLL,
just one,
one.
one.
stupid pair of footprints.
i really hated you then.
i really did.
like ttm.
i thought you'd left me there to rot for life.
sucked that you werent a person cos i really wanted you to piss off and die.
but still.
no matter how much i hated you, i still cried out to you anyway.
because whatever my heart was telling me to do,
wasnt working out.
i had nothing to lose to try you out as a possible way out.
but when satan saw this, he panicked.
"shit," he said, and tried even harder than he did before, to mess around in the playground of my mind.
i had freakin started a spiritual warfare within myself.
it was a tough fight.
BUT.
i told myself satan cannottt win.
he couldnt, he just couldnt.
cos if he wins, i lose.
and the worse i felt, the better he did.
but because the harder i fought, the harder he fought back, at no point i felt like i'd won.
i was just fighting, fighting, and fighting.
non-stop but not giving up.
not losing but not winning either.
i was running out of energy.
until one day i was just sooo completely exhausted, i admitted defeat.
i gave up.
i let him win.
i just couldnt do it anymore.
i'd been fighting, but it was so damn tiring and it wasnt going anywhere.
but then i realised, it was cos i was fighting it wrong.
i was still doing it my way, still without you.
i had the right intentions of wanting to fight him, but i couldnt do it by myself.
the only way i could do it, was let YOU come in.
i'd wasted my time fighting, when i couldve let you fight for me.
exodus 14:14.
it was just,
that,
simple.
so!
i made the decision to let you, and you like duh, obviously won. :P
and with him defeated, you said to me, "the reason why there was only one pair of footprints,
was because i was carrying you."
now, we're back to leaving behind two sets of footprints.
but at least if i ever turn around and see them turn into only one pair again,
i'll know why this time.
:)
nette posted it up.
